Zany and Amusing Quotes
A procrastinator is someone with a wait problem.
Middle age is when a narrow waste and a broad mind change places.
One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him.
Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body.
This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle science fiction.
When Marriage is Outlawed,
Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
Desk: A wastebasket with drawers.
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
Remember, even if you win the rat race - you're still a rat
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have!
Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!
Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
A man's best friend is his dogma.
He who laughs last is probably your boss.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
